Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
