There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
