Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
