I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
