drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
