i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
