Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
