Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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