vagina is talking i cant
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
