hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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