they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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