so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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