It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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