At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
