This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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