So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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