fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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