the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
