Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
