guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
