He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
