Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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