I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.