So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.