I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I stole a fireplace last night.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT