this beer tastes like vomit already
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
