He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Also, beer. Big fan.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything