May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
