Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"