maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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