Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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