Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she peed on how many people?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
