Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
