i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
