Small penises have feelings too.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
