The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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