I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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