Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
