Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
