There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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