I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
