Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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