..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
