Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
