I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
