You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
