you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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