I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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