I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize