I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everything about him screamed your future.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
