the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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