fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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