Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
