Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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