Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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