Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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