i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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