Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
