Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm like, not good at living.
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