you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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