I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
