i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
be right there i have to get my cape
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
