Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
