sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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