Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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