So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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