Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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