dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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