You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
