Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
