Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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