so explain again why im purple
no
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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