we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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