Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
