Dual....:-)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
