Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
