dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
