Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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