If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
40s are totally the cure
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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