If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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