i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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