Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
