i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
