Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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