maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
