That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
