I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
