I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
