Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
